framing our own narrative

i’m gonna rant…it’s been coming for awhile now.  it’s about all this business about where one is allowed to pee.

disclaimer: i am a cis woman and so privileged. i no longer wear my head shaved, so face no challenge as to using the appropriate restroom.  but my daughter is transgender, a beautiful 13 year-old transgender girl. so it’s not as tho i don’t ‘get’ why the issue is important.

here’s where i have a problem with this. since all the hoopla about bathroom rights has been going on, other major issues with regard to trans-persons have fallen off the radar in a big way.

no more worries, it seems, about the much higher incidence of homelessness among trans-folk, or the much higher suicide rate, or the fact that many in the medical profession and insurance agencies routinely deny the treatments and medications necessary to transgender people, this despite obama’s ACA having passed.

no more about how many transgender people are being killed, for nothing more than the hatred and bigotry rampant in society towards them.  just to ‘be’ seems a thing not allowed to some, never mind ‘to pee’!

now, i get that it IS a big deal that unenlightened sheeple fearmonger their way into seeming justified in denying something as basic as a bathroom break, but it seems to me that the narrative has been altered.  altered in such a way that the worst elements of life while trans have fallen to the wayside.  and instead of coming from a place of power, the right to self-definition, self-detemination and even self-defense, now transgender folk are put upon to defend against the notion that they are perverts.

this is a drastic departure from the narrative that is true, which is that transgender folk are normal human beings who have certain inalienable rights, just like the rest of us.

so in my mind, it’s time to piss and get off the pot.  don’t throw away all the progress toward an empowered future.  reclaim and reframe the narrative.

after all, there are way more congressmen, senators, and preachers, who are fond of using public restrooms for prowling. and there are countless sundry other perverts who really are dangerous to our children.. in the bathrooms and elsewhere.

so can we talk? about unemployment, healthcare, suicide, hate crimes, murders and such as transgender people fall victim to…instead of pretending that their trans-ness makes them predators?

Jazz,…forever!

read this…then read on

 

there are quite a few role models for transgender girls…many of them are already all grown up and in the public eye, like laverne cox…laura jane grace, julia serrano…so many.  but for ziona and i, there is one who stands above the rest.  one whose story gave meaning to what zee was going through…and gave a clear way forward to the mother at her wit’s end who had no idea as to how to help her child.

at a time when my child was despairing over having been born in the wrong body, and i was scratching my head as to what was going on,  jazz jennings shared a special and very personal story on a program hosted by barbara walters.  the segment was called, ‘my secret self’ and jazz was among the young people telling the story of gender identity disorder.  it aired here april 27th of 2007…6 months after ziona had used what little language her autism could allow her could  muster, to explain to me the pain she was going through…the reason she wanted to die. (so god could get it right next time and zee have the girl body to match her girl self)…she knew she was a girl!

because of jazz and her family being brave, honest, and open about their experience i knew what i had to do and how we needed to move forward.  i needed to believe her…and she needed to be allowed to be the girl she was born to be.

now zee is on puberty blockers to suppress the irreversible effects of testosterone, and is anxious for the day that she can get cross hormones, to grow breasts (but not too big, she says) and of course, she lives for the day that surgery will complete the process of her transition…for ziona, nothing short of the whole package will do, even tho she knows that she is already  a girl to me and everyone else she knows. for ziona, having a body that perfectly reflects that reality…a body without any parts that belong on boys, is an absolute necessity.

without my having just so happened to be watching t.v. that night…without that jazz and her family had shared their story, and that barbara walters as host had lent the matter a serious and legitimate air,  who knows what ziona’s reality might have been!  because, even though i’ve been a part of the queer community for decades…it had never occurred to me that a child of 3 years old,  my child…would have such a hard row to hoe!

so yes, there are many to whom young transgender girls can turn for examples of how to hold their heads up high, accept themselves and be proud.  but for us, jazz will always be a sort of trailblazer entity…a girl, who like zee, just knew…and who shone a light in our darkest hours, that led us forward to brighter days!

thanks jazz!  forever

“so i’ll remove the cause, but not the symptom!” doctor frankfurter, ‘rocky horror picture show’

so this happened…

i’m quite disappointed.  despite all the recent gains, despite positive role models being plastered on the cover of ‘TIME’ magazine, and with the advent of rights such as medi-care and obama-care covering transgender health issues, or the advancement in some states to replace laws that restrict gender marker and name changes on birth certificates, it seems no matter what progress arises there will always be affronts to the dignity of trans-folk.

this is why i try to educate people in my little area of the world…and broader plains where i am able. it is also why ziona refuses to be ‘stealth’.  perhaps it’s her autism and resultant lack of adherence to social norms, or simply her fighting spirit, but likely it is also her sense of right and wrong that make her adamant about NOT hiding who she is, and likewise NOT being ashamed.  she gets righteously angry at slights, slurs and especially outright wrongs done to people just because of who they are.

her indignation extends beyond her own group.  she is angered by all manner of bigotry: racism, sexism, ageism, looksism, sizism…so many ‘isms’ to reject, so many to fight.  and in our discussions about such things as these, we also talk about the best way to combat them, identifying their roots and identifying their causes.

but even if we remove the cause,(ignorance)  it seems the symptoms remain…a rather dire prognosis if we don’t also find a cure for hate and bigotry.

“so i’ll remove the cause, but not the symptom!”  doctor frankfurter, ‘rocky horror picture show’

What’s in a name?

What’s in a name?.

 

an awesome post on a subject that is quite near and dear to my heart.  being able to be called by the name with which one identifies is one thing…but being legally identified with a certain name and gender can be constraining … as my daughter knows.

this year a good friend of mine who is a trans-woman urged me to change my daughter’s birth certificate as soon as  possible…and while i agree that  it must be done before she obtains a driver’s license etc.  i think i’ll wait til she’s been on the puberty blockers for a while…and cross hormones…cause i’ve heard those can really change your mind!

in her new and ‘right mind’ she might just want to give herself a new name.

 

Reflecting on “​My message to those who would attend Radfem 2012”

 

thought that readers of this blog might appreciated this post from a blogger whose posts i read with great relish for the new things i learn with every read.

 

enjoy

 

 

Reflecting on “​My message to those who would attend Radfem 2012”.

cool new wordpress site for transgender youth

looks like it’s up and running.  and full of useful information for trans-youth and their allies.

enjoy

 

 

Home.

Barneys Launches Spring Campaign Featuring Transgender Models, and their Families

i’m pumped!

 

Barneys Launches Spring Campaign Featuring Transgender Models, and their Families.

Blooming (LGBT Short Film)

 

a share from a blogger whom i read regularly.

enjoy

 

Blooming (LGBT Short Film).

Transgender Pathologization

so happy to present this article here on my often neglected (due to busyness of homeschooling…etc) blog.

also to have a new and (from initial readings of her wordpress page) exciting person to follow.

as the parent of a nearly 11 year old trans-girl, this is just the sort of thing that helps me to be a supporter without becoming a gate-keeper or definer of her experience.

Transgender Pathologization.

rub their noses in it

don’t know why i felt it necessary to have such an  ‘in your face’  title for this post…should probably save it for the follow-up one i intend after i get my daughter on to her homeschool lessons.

perhaps because the constant controversy in the minds of scared straight cis-folk continuously makes broad and sweeping statements, which did they only reflect the ignorance of the speakers might be tolerated, but when they add to the already existent oppression and torment of transgender people the truth must be told…boldly so!

many people house-train their dogs by rubbing their noses in the offending poop pile or pee puddle, a practice in which i never indulge because it seems cruel and stupid to me and i have much more creative and effective means of communicating my ‘rules’ about house behaviour to my pets.   but in the interests of a kinder, more true to life society it is appropriate i feel to lay out the facts to those most vocal in their ignorance….and rub their noses in it.

perhaps this is indeed the appropriate way in which to ‘house-train’ those who are too thick to simply live and let live.

enjoy this article from huff po…the facts therein…and if you come up against an untrained and ill-informed puppy, hit them on the nose with it.

back later with my own info and links to studies, as well as more suggestions on how to  ‘potty-train’  those cis-asshats who seem only to relate to things below the belt whilst being faced with transgender persons.