Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

autism and the phase that wouldn’t go away


my young seven year old child is a transgender girl
she also has autism.

for the past four years she has suffered my inability to accept that
my son was really a girl who had wrongly been given a penis.

i brought her to specialists: endocrinologists, geneticists, neurologists.
some of whom saw her for other reasons.

these well meaning folk told me that it was only a phase…that all kids
experience a similar ‘cross=gender’ period and not to worry. “he’s only three
and just a bit confused right now. this is the time when kids learn about gender.
it’ll be fine in a few months”

she never has outgrown the ‘phase’.

instead after three childish attempts to rid herself of the birth defect, (thankfully only with plastic scissors from a play doctor kit) and begging me to
cut it off for her, and wishing god would kill her so next time god would get her in the right body, i told her that if god made a mistake god also made doctors who can fix it. that she would have to wait until she was older.

that made her feel a bit better, but it wasn’t until she was allowed to buy and wear the dresses and outfits she wanted, and be referred to by female pronouns did she begin to suffer less.

less only because these measures can only partially alleviate her suffering. every time she sits down to go bathroom, every time she takes a bath or even changes her clothes (which now include girl panties and brassieres) she is reminded that something went terribly wrong. a girl shouldn’t have a penis.

recently some well meaning person called the child protective services to report me. a very nice man came to investigate. i told him the whole story of the announcement by her that she is really a girl, the steps i took to find out why
she believed such a thing, the specialists. the suicidal ideations, the attempts on the penis. the measures i took to attempt to steer her toward the boy clothes she usually chose. (altho, she always liked boy and girl toys) everything.

i also told him of all the research i did, online and in books purchased that deal with the medical aspects of possible causes and ensuing resolutions available. watched a special run by 20/20 with barbara walters showing young children who are being allowed to live as their perceived gender, and contacted the prestigious boston children’s hospital to enroll her in their gender identity clinic.
and already had her in counselling, tho not to directly address gender issues.

it made me feel good that child protective services came out to investigate. it made me feel good that some well meaning anonymous person had acted upon their concerns. i offered to sign releases to c.p.s. from everyone involved with my beautiful child.

the next day, when i called to offer the phone numbers to contacts i hadn’t been able to lay my hands on the day of the visit, i was informed that the c.p.s had closed the case. they were convinced that i was doing all i can for my little girl.

i’ll admit to feeling a bit anxious about c.p.s coming to check it out…
not because we’re doing anything wrong, just because we live in the deep south, a region not known for compassionate and open-mindedness. but i was prepared to fight like a bear to defend my trans/girl’s rights.


4 thoughts on “autism and the phase that wouldn’t go away

  1. I have a friend who is both trans + autistic – I wish she had a mother who understood. She’s at

    • thanks for the nice comment…it hasn’t been easy for me to get over my own ‘stuff’ about her future in a world that is unkind…guess we’ll have to change the world for them cause i wouldn’t change her for the world.

  2. At least you’re on her side 🙂

  3. Pingback: Transsexual children | Clare Flourish

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