Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

getting by

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at first, when my daughter asked for a ‘boy’ doll i thought that she (then i still called her him) needed affirmation of her ‘boyness’ with a doll that showed the ‘boy’ part down below…after all, even tho she was born a boy, i always bought whatever toys etc. she asked for regardless of gender usually associated with the toy.

looking back, it seems obvious now, that she was aware at three years old, that she might be in the wrong body….she hardly played with that doll among the others. it seemed to serve only to remind her that she had a part not generally associated with being a girl.

there were a lot of other things too…things that in hindsight pointed to her need to be the girl she is.

for example, for a time she wanted to take dance class…so i enrolled her in one. but when she was placed in a class separate from the ‘girls’ and was not allowed to wear a leotard and tutu, she lost interest quickly.

waiting four years to really ‘hear’ what she said about being a girl in the wrong body made it seem to her that i didn’t approve. in reality, i was merely scared for her…hoping against her being transgender, not because it is weird, but because it is soooo hard!

i have transgender friends, have even dated a couple of transgender women. so i have heard things from them, first hand experiences about the abuse, oppression and even danger involved in just their attempting to be who they are.

being bi sexual myself, and a member of the gay community for most of my fifty five years of life, i had experienced a small amount of such insults to self definition…and had seen how for my trans-sisters, even within the gay community, prejudice occurs.

no one would hope for their child the types of outrageous treatment is doled out to such people for the simple ‘crime’ of being who they are.

zion is much happier these days. she knows exactly what ‘kind of girl’ she is too…she knows that she doesn’t want to wear make up and isn’t really all that ‘into’ jewelry…she knows that when she grows up she wants to be married to a woman with whom she can share life and raise a child with her…adopt one.

i hope we can change the world enough for these special children. i hope by the time she is an adult, society will have learned how to adapt to the presence of folk who are ‘other than’. until then, we as parents and family of transgender kids can do much by providing them with support while they grow into the strength they will need to battle it out for themselves once they fly forth the nest.

blogs such as the ones i find in cyberspace, folk that comment on posts we leave in our own sharing, give me reason for hope which altho it doesn’t erase the apprehension about the way my daughter might be treated by ‘the world’, at least serve as evidence that, just like for zion when she can have the necessary surgery, a big change is on the way.

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One thought on “getting by

  1. Long time no blog – it is good to read you again and even better to read about zion’s positive attitude. Sounds like an awesome kid.

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