Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

the way forward

5 Comments

it feels as tho i have reached yet another milestone in the whole
“i have a daughter, not a son” progression.

there have been definite stages…perhaps predictable ones and maybe even ones shared in common
by other surprised parents of these special children.

first reaction to zion’s disclosure about her gender:
“oh, isn’t that adorable! he’s female identified!”

upon the beyond disclosure to insistance:
“well, whatever this phase is, i will allow the cross gender clothing and toys.
zion will undoubtedly outgrow this.”

when came the attempts to ‘cut off’ the penis, the anger at god, and suicidal ideations:
“oh my god! what is up with this! maybe zion has a hormonal imbalance causing this.”

endocrinologist and geneticist labs later, having absorbed their bad advice:
“we’ll just take this day by day. i’ll try to get zion into gender-neutral clothes/toys.”

when zion’s psychic pain and the revulsion at the ‘spare parts’ reached unbearable heights:
“okay, this has gone far enough. zion has to know there is an option, a way to be a girl!”

when after four years of zion having to keep ‘the secret’, finally believing her, we go public:
“i will support my child no matter what. i just wish this wasn’t real!”

three months later, my daughter and i have a much nicer relationship, she is happier…it is obvious
that she IS a girl:
“how strong she is! this beautiful girl! the penis even looks out of place to me now!”

altho i am aware that the way forward from here for a girl like zion is fraught with societal
non-acceptance, within an environment of ignorance about and even fear and loathing of people like herself,
i have not a single doubt that she will rise to each occasion.

i have a new feeling in my heart concerning all of this. one of joy! imagine that!
my love for her and all of who she is, has gone from a tolerance and guarded support (while wishing she
could be otherwise) to a full-fledged celebration with her! for life and the way forward.

all of this seems progress she has brought to me…and leaves me wondering;
what more expanded being she will bring me to.

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5 thoughts on “the way forward

  1. You’re the awesomest mom.

  2. How did you come to adopt her?
    What does your username mean?
    What is the meaning of life?

    😉

    • first of all…the meaning of life is to give your life meaning – isn’t it? either that or 42.

      the name pasupatidasi refers to the incarnation of shiva as the lord of creatures that is pasupati…the dasi means a female follower or disciple of this incarnation…it is only my name on sites where every other of my pseudonyms is taken… i could also call my self jnani-nataraj…shiva is also the lord of the dance that puts the vibrations of the universe into motion… creating matter…but enough of that!

      my friends call me moon moonwind exactly…

      i came to adopt zion when his mother, my eldest daughter was unable to and unfit to care for her…

      long story…

      photos?

  3. Photos? Sure – lowercaselife at gmail.com (unless I’m misunderstanding you?)

    I generally just go with 42 too.

    Glad you could step in and be there for zion – that’s what families are sposed to be for eh? I watch african families all just doing it, because that’s what you do and how life is…but the white people here often don’t. We do, in my family.

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