it feels as tho i have reached yet another milestone in the whole
“i have a daughter, not a son” progression.
there have been definite stages…perhaps predictable ones and maybe even ones shared in common
by other surprised parents of these special children.
first reaction to zion’s disclosure about her gender:
“oh, isn’t that adorable! he’s female identified!”
upon the beyond disclosure to insistance:
“well, whatever this phase is, i will allow the cross gender clothing and toys.
zion will undoubtedly outgrow this.”
when came the attempts to ‘cut off’ the penis, the anger at god, and suicidal ideations:
“oh my god! what is up with this! maybe zion has a hormonal imbalance causing this.”
endocrinologist and geneticist labs later, having absorbed their bad advice:
“we’ll just take this day by day. i’ll try to get zion into gender-neutral clothes/toys.”
when zion’s psychic pain and the revulsion at the ‘spare parts’ reached unbearable heights:
“okay, this has gone far enough. zion has to know there is an option, a way to be a girl!”
when after four years of zion having to keep ‘the secret’, finally believing her, we go public:
“i will support my child no matter what. i just wish this wasn’t real!”
three months later, my daughter and i have a much nicer relationship, she is happier…it is obvious
that she IS a girl:
“how strong she is! this beautiful girl! the penis even looks out of place to me now!”
altho i am aware that the way forward from here for a girl like zion is fraught with societal
non-acceptance, within an environment of ignorance about and even fear and loathing of people like herself,
i have not a single doubt that she will rise to each occasion.
i have a new feeling in my heart concerning all of this. one of joy! imagine that!
my love for her and all of who she is, has gone from a tolerance and guarded support (while wishing she
could be otherwise) to a full-fledged celebration with her! for life and the way forward.
all of this seems progress she has brought to me…and leaves me wondering;
what more expanded being she will bring me to.