Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

how could they?!

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this is not going to be a very enlightened piece.
fair warning to anyone who may actually read these blogs.
what follows is merely an angry rant about things that have been
happening in my personal life. not to me, or i’d not need
to write about it here or anywhere else.
i would simply confront whomsoever had wronged me and make my mind be known.

this is about despicable things done to my mom by people who
owe her everything, including their very existence.

recently my mother has had to declare bankruptcy.
having lived her seventy-four years without needing to do so,
even when she divorced the man who had abandoned her with seven kids.
she always managed her life and finances with exceptional grace.

but then came the eldest daughter of her youngest daughter.

nesi, who works at a bank, convinced my mother to co-sign for various
big expenditures on her behalf.
my mom helped her out.
but enough was never enough.
nesi, my mom’s own granddaughter, kept coming back for more.
and my mom, who wanted to help her, shelled out money, and used her own
exemplary credit to help her acquire these things.
in addition, my mom took care of nesi’s children so that she could go out.
helped pay for daycare for them.

but nesi didn’t keep up with the payments for the nice things, so the
creditors came to my mom, who began to give nesi money to make the payments
just to keep them away and to keep up the credit rating she’d acquired.
nesi, took the money but didn’t use it to pay off the bills that led the
creditors to my mom. no, no, no. she used it to pay off the ones that
kept herself in the clear instead.

so, fifty thousand dollars later, nesi informs my mom that she is going to
declare bankruptcy, which left the entirety of the debt to my mom.

my mom, lives on a small fixed income that comes from social security benefits
left her by the death of her husband. the only reason she’d helped nesi in the
first place is that nesi makes good money at the bank. she’s a manager!

so now my mom has declared bankruptcy. to do so she had to clear her meager
bank account, and will lose her car. she also had to lie just a little bit, to
protect another daughter, my sister, jude, who lives on land she is buying
from my mom. although the title has been in jude’s name for years, technically
she hasn’t paid it off, and my mom depends upon the three hundred dollars per
month that they’d agreed together that jude would pay.

it was bad enough that nesi lied repeatedly to my mom about paying the debts
for which my mother would be responsible otherwise. and bad enough that because
she wouldn’t do so, my mom had to do the whole legal bankruptcy thing.
but then, jude tries to blackmail our mother into forgiving the rest of the
interest on the debt for the land she is buying, insinuating that since the
title is already in her name, there would be nothing my mom could do about it
if she didn’t pay her any longer.

what the fucking hell is wrong with people!

i have been a junkie, and done some unfortunate things to get money for my drugs.
but even in the throes of my most addicted moments, i could NEVER have brought
myself to steal from people i loved, from people who had helped me out, or even
just people who have trusted me.

i want to slap both nesi and jude right across the face! i want to scream at them.
but it wouldn’t satisfy me. i know that. because what i really want to do is
figure out, to somehow wrap my head around what the fuck sort of dysfunction
they suffer that allows them to screw over someone as awesome as my mom!

there!
i warned you.
not a thing of value.
not a single gem of enlightenment.
nor an insight into human nature or my own even.
just a great big ‘how could they?!’

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