life is funny sometimes
i am compelled to write this blog after a kind of nasty interchange between myself and some women who are like my daughter.
the gist of the conversation on twitter was much like one that a follower of mine and ihad been having. that being about the whole ‘transgender’ thing.
this first woman,(we follow each other) had tweeted once that she considered herself just a woman…that the only thing trans about it was that other people couldn’t see her as who she is.
i told her that my daughter felt the same way…she was born a girl, no trans anything.
then today, there was a similar exchange that asked for people who could grasp this notion, this ‘we are women’ concept to retweet.
on behalf of ziona, i did so. saying “my daughter is all girl too,
despite the ‘spare parts’.
suddenly and almost before i had read the next tweet from folk i follow the frantic buzz of an @ mention rang out. some very angry women called me a perv for my tweet, referred to me as a cis woman as tho that were a disparaging remark.
four or five more of these very nasty @ mentions came even before i had answered the first.
what was obvious is that these women had most been offended by my mentioning of the ‘spare part’.
i tweeted back that my daughter used that same word in describing herself as, not transgender, (a word that she doesn’t relate to) but as a girl with a spare part.
a few more answers on my part to the @ mentions, and one or two of the women realised, that i’m not the enemy…maybe they even realised that i am an ally.
but what none of them knew, and what i wasn’t about to share after the attacks garnered was how painful it is for her, to know she is a girl, but feel that one of her body parts is more of an ugly birth defect, that it makes her a freak.
never mind that i have done all i can to try to help her to understand that what’s between her legs doesn’t make her a freak, doesn’t make her less of a girl.
none of this matters to her. she doesn’t want ‘that part’ on her body. as many who have read my blog know.
what these women couldn’t have known is that at three years old, when ziona learned that she wouldn’t change into a girl and then the ‘part’ would fall off, i had to hide anything sharp from her…which i did anyway since she was a child, (didn’t stop her trying to cut off the penis with a pair of plastic scissors from a play doctor kit).
on more than one occasion i walked in on her trying to rid herself of the thing.
she hated it! she begged me to cut it off for her. she cursed god and said god had made a big mistake. that she wished she could die so god could try again and get it right. (god to ziona has always been a she. tho i don’t push it either way)
what these women couldn’t possibly have known was that the only way to console her was to tell her that there were doctors that could help her to grow up to be what she calls “a real girl” meaning ridding her of the spare part.
what these women didn’t understand also, was that since we have been in agreement that she is a girl and insist that others recognise her as one, the penis, (her word)isn’t a shameful secret to her anymore, even tho it is something she knows must one day be off.
..she understands that she is a girl with a spare part. she is not
ashamed of it anymore…just so long as she is sure that its presence is very temporary!
what these women also couldn’t have known is that i have had lovers who were not born with female bodies, that i have friends who have had their male bodies altered to match their gender, that i have been queer since i was fifteen, and so
that means for 40 years i have had to deal with exclusion and judgementalism.
what they couldn’t have known is that as a member of the queer community, (i’m bi) i have stood up for women like them within the ranks of the gay community. when ‘all womyn’s’ gatherings didn’t want to allow women who weren’t born with female bodies, i boycotted them.
so i answered their @ mentions, without anger, altho i think some of them were angry. as always at such times, my spiritual discipline kicks in and my curious nature.
i began to wonder
about these beautiful strong women.
what was their childhood like. what kinds of
bias and judgement had they lived through
and still somehow come out shining like the stars
that they obviously are,
full of positive esteem for themselves in a world that doesn’t
grant them that.
the obvious didn’t have to be mentioned.
i can no more help being born cis, than they can help having been born female, in bodies that society says aren’t.
i am so desperately thankful to these strong women.
these ones who are going before
and paving the way for children like my daughter.
i only hope that in her future,
ziona will not be judged by those
who know that what sort of body they have doesn’t
because for her, it matters!