Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

who knew?

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today my lovely little daughter decided to use
one of the boy avatars on a game she likes.
what was extraordinary about this is that she
asked first if it was okay for her to use that
avatar, “even tho” she said; “i’m a girl.”

she wasn’t asking permission. she only wanted
to make sure that it would be apropriate.

you see, tho the doctor that delivered her upon
spying the penis, said: “it’s a boy”.
and despite the fact that this part still hasn’t
fallen off, as she’d imagined it would someday,
my daughter is a girl.

who knew?

since then, every official document in her life has
repeated the obstetricians false call. this
checking a box as to the alleged gender of a newborn
is much like someone else choosing your avatar
for you. it just doesn’t play well.

tho she’d prefer to play her games as
the girl she is, sometimes she plays with one of the
given male avatars. but it feels odd to her to do so.
and sometimes there isn’t the option to play
as a female on her favorite wii games.

she hasn’t the slightest doubt about who she is!
she really doesn’t know what transgender means.
in her mind she is quite simply, a girl.

she’s aware, as much as an eight year old can be,
that to ensure that her body doesn’t betray her by
going through male puberty, she will need to take
medicines. hormones and such.

she is adamant that at some point, when she is
old enough, a surgical procedure to change her
gentalia must happen.

i stand in awe of the strength of this young person.
despite even the supposed or imposed ‘reality’ of her gender
she declares who she is.

my daughter is a constant reminder
for me of just how mighty the entity/energy we call
“god” must be…how creative!
this mighty one that gives rise
to such incredible variety.

and then…
it occurred to me that there might be an infinite
number of gender expressions. feminine and masculine
are the only choices presented to the world at large
for gender, but within and beyond these two might
we find that we’ve been imposing limits on god’s
creativity when we exclude other realities, that we
oversimplify the world to accomodate this duality.

for instance,
i was born female, but i am not feminine by
societies standards. not like other women i know are.
altho, did they know they had options who can say?
in the main, options are denied us as regards gender.
we are ultimately defined by what lies between our

perhaps the innate understanding that this is so,
is what lies behind zeeona’s intense insistance that
she have everything ‘put right’ as soon as it is
medically possible. (surgery)

it is in so many ways outrageous.
because she was born female! no matter that most
folk can’t see this truth. still she must go through
a surgical procedure to become who she is.

as for me, it is so natural to see this vibrant
young girl growing up right under my nose, that i often
forget, that i had originally adopted a boy.

who knew?


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