Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

what family is for

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family can be a good thing usually, but as many gender variant or queer folk know, they can also be a source of feelings of rejection, of being outcast.

altho convinced of my own sexuality at an early age, i didn’t share this with my mother until at age 27 i had met the woman i thought would be forever. at that point it seemed only logical to disclose my ‘queer-ness’ to family since carol would necessarily be part of my life, as were they.

carol didn’t work out and because i am bi-sexual and have had a couple of relationships with men, my mother comforted herself that i wasn’t really ‘that way’,that i’d been mistaken.

every once in a while since then, a new woman in my life has made her aware that there’s no mistake. i simply prefer women over men hands down. even if once or twice, i’ve fallen in love with a man.

this concept of a woman preferring a woman confuses her to this day since obviously i am able to ‘lay with a man’. but the gender identity of zeeona has really thrown her for a loop. still, she has never hinted at disowning me, neither over my own propensities nor for the transgender daughter who is being allowed to live her life as the girl she is.

unfortunately for many this level of acceptance and comfort are only things of a dream.

many families disown their gender variant, or even just gay members. sometimes because of religious affliations, often because it somehow ‘shames’ the family name or reputation. still more often simply because, since the reality of being queer or trans lies outside the realm of their own experience, they fear or fail to understand.

i’m of the mind that families should always be like the first response team. the ones you can go to with anything! the place where nurture and love outweigh any other circumstance.

sadly, this often isn’t so.

therefore, i send out a big embrace and a message to all those whose families aren’t what they could and should be.

i laud you for your bravery to continue to be and live your reality! and hope that all can find an ‘adoptive’ family that can meet the needs that the ‘birth’ family couldn’t.

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