well, i knew this day would eventually come, never mind i put it off so long.
you see, i raised my kids to be inclusive and non-judgemental. to be fair-minded and accepting, so it might come as a bit of a surprise to some that i should put off letting them in on their youngest sibling’s gender identity.
everyone here in florida…my mom, brothers, nieces, nephews sisters, (none of whom were raised with the sort of openness and information with which i raised my children) have accepted zeeona for who she is.
my mom, while she doesn’t understand it, is supportive. my siblings don’t comment about it and accept zeeona as my daughter. one of my sisters did call cps (i’d wondered who the second call came from) but the person from the agency got back to her and told her that i was a very good parent and that allowing a transgender child to live as their identified gender doesn’t equate with neglect or abuse.
but tonight i shared with an another daughter the fact of zeeona’s being transgender.
it was no surprise to me that someone who doffed the free-mindedness of her upbringing, and embraced being a mormon to the point of feelings of judgement and discrimination to even just plain run of the mill gay folk, was fully unable to wrap her little mind around the reality we face daily.
i told her to read this blog.
i told her that i would happily send her to the best books, research, information and websites about the matter.
isn’t it strange!
her reaction was that zeeona needed to be ‘reprogrammed’ or ‘treated’ to get the boy back into her i guess. tho i am paraphrasing her words, that was the gist of it.
zeeona has never been confused about who she is. she’s been angry that god put her in the wrong body. she’s been afraid that she wont be able to grow up the girl she is. she’s felt betrayed when her cousin teased her about it in a public way and has felt the joy of forgiveness of this betrayal.
she hasn’t for one single day, i’ve come to realize, been a boy. and she will tell anybody who will listen that she is not a boy.
but since she’s been allowed to live outloud she doesn’t feel the need to ‘inform’ people about the ‘soon to be remedied’ unfitting body parts. she’s accepted for a girl and looks like a girl as any kid at her age will, if dressed in society’s gender apropriate proper clothing and a long hairstyle.
i hope that my other daughter will come around. but i’m not holding my breath.
zeeona’s transgenderedness is not a pathology, nor disease to be remedied…nor is it a mental problem to be head-shrinked away, nor is it horrible thing to be ashamed of and hide from people.
without regard to how family and friends feel about the reality she lives, she is happy, well-balanced and proud to be a girl. and i wouldn’t have it any other way!
like my most favorite tee-shirt says
“my kid is transgender. if that’s a problem for you – get some help”