Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

on first glimpse

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yesterday evening was the first glimpse my daughter had ever had
of people like herself. it was surprisingly a non-event for her.
i had thought she’d have been more excited upon seeing other kids
who also express a gender identity other than the one society had
allowed for them.

but zeeona has autism, and high functioning as she is, there are
yet a few things that give her pause.

she has difficulty with new things, with changing from one
activity to another, with social nuance
and appropriate responses,
and she doesn’t meet new people easily.

so she took to doing the one thing she does to relate to new
situations: she pretended to be running a store.

at home she also does this, gathering ‘nature’ items from the
backyard and turning them into ‘crafts’, or drawing pictures
and displaying them for ‘sale’.

lacking nature to craft while here at the hotel, she instead set
up shop in the private conference lobby and began drawing and displaying,
and ultimately handing out the pictures she drew.

i worry about her going off with her group today, away from me.
she is not able to tolerate the ‘paper work’ part of going to
the toilet, partially because of her ocd about germs, and maybe
partially because she doesn’t like to be reminded of the ‘spare

yesterday i made a happy face – sad face placard for her to use
to communicate with the adults in charge. she knows she will have
my phone number to call me if she needs to, for any reason
whatsoever. hopefully this will be a pleasant experience for
her, despite the autism that keeps her from enjoying things
that ‘neuro-typical’ children can take for granted.

that she feels safe here so far is obvious, from her lack of
insisting upon leaving to find the solace and quiet of our room
altho, it was touch and go for a while during the milling about
and background chatter before the welcome meeting.

at day’s end i hope to post a most glowing and positive report
on our experience of the event.

i know i will be able to get some much needed information about
how to negotiate the maze of medical, legal and mental health
issues involved in advocating and supporting a transgender
child, but i hope that zeeona’s autism doesn’t prevent her
a great first glimpse into the community of people who share
in common with her a contrary and unique gender variance.

just a few minutes until we venture out and see what will be.
i’m a little nervous…


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