as you might have guessed from the abbreviations of the title, this is gonna be a rant. but maybe one that others can relate to.
in a previous post i told the story of learning that one of my sisters, patsy, was ‘uncomfortable’ with the whole transgender thing with ziona and that this was behind her not even being able to be in our company, or speak to me.
this morning, mom called me to say that our ‘appointment’ for me to come over and do some yard and garden stuff at her place while ziona’s cousins were there, might have to be rescheduled for sunday sometime after church. right away i sensed a ‘sin of omission’. there was something she was not saying. for example, usually the cousins aren’t there on sundays, as mom goes to church and they don’t behave well so visits are almost always scheduled overnight friday, then home saturday afternoon sometime. mom made some excuse about not being sure when she would be ‘getting the kids’ and said something about going ‘rummage saling’ on saturday morning.
i told her i could always come by saturday afternoon. no problem. or sunday after church for that matter.
more hemming and hawing from mom.
then suddenly she launches into how whenever patsy does deign to be in the same room as and speak to me, it would probably be better if i didn’t mention the transgender thing or try to educate her about it, because she probably isn’t ready for that.
ah! the sin of omisssion is clear now. patsy has recently left her husband, (for about the eighth time) and is currently residing in one of mom’s spare bedrooms for an indefinite length of time. no doubt mom was trying to ‘arrange’ things so that patsy wouldn’t have to face me but doing so in a way that didn’t make me feel ostracised.
for one thing, i am fine with not ‘bumping into’ patsy at mom’s house, because like i said in the previously mentioned post: i almost wish i cared
in answer to mom’s suggestion that i NOT bring up a certain subject, unless she does, i told her, (perhaps in a less than civil tone) that it isn’t my job to open people’s small minds about ziona being transgender, that it is a medical condition with a proscribed therapeutic course…that it is the same as ziona’s juvenile polyposis syndrome, also a medical condition with a proscribed therapeutic course.
i couldn’t stop myself. i went on.
i told her that i almost wish i cared whether or not people approve of us, that i don’t feel compelled to educate people about the juvenile polyposis syndrome she has, or the autism, the spastic diplegia, the lesion on her brain or the anomalous electrical activity in her frontal lobe that registered on the last eeg she had either. then i added that probably no one would think less of my parenting or of ziona for these things and that it was the problem of the ‘beholders’ if they were ‘uncomfortable’ with us over the transgender ‘thing’.
it wasn’t clear by the end of the phone conversation, after i’d had my say, whether or not we were ‘on’ for saturday. i think we decided to let it be up in the air…she’d get back to me.
one of my grand-nieces, is named aria. she has been going through chemo, radiation, surgeries and all sorts of things because it was learned that she had ‘wilm’s tumor’ a pediatric kidney cancer. diagnosed just last year when she was four. people are all over it with their compassion and prayers.
wilm’s tumor: born with it or develops in the first four years
transgender: born that way and often discovered in first four years
wilm’s tumor: untreated can lead to death
transgender: untread can lead to suicide, depression, self-destructive
wilm’s tumor: prognosis excellent following proscribed treatment
transgender: prognosis excellent following proscribed treatment.
wilm’s tumor: a medical condition with a proven therapeutical course
transgender: a medical condition with a proven therapeutical course
so, what’s the difference?
it’s okay for a child to have cancer. people feel compassion. they empathise with the parents. hold bake sales to raise money for the family to offset costs not covered by insurance.
no such considerations are given for our transgender children. people feel repulsed. the villify the parents. call child protective services to report us for abuse because we follow the proscribed therapeutic course.
it’s about as much a case of child abuse as chemo, radiation and surgeries that my grand-niece suffers to ensure her survival!
for the uninitiated:
(omg = oh my god!)
(wtf = what the fuck?!)
(goia = get over it already!)