Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

wait for it….wait for it….


today has been ‘one of those days’. you know the kind. where murphy’s law is in league with some other equally evil and unnecessary sabotage to ensure a frustration that is baseless and anonymous enough to preclude a target for one’s anger.

i had thought that today’s post would be about the flight to san francisco for ziona’s first visit to the ucsf child and adolescent gender clinic. i imagined it would be upbeat in it’s tone, unfurling the pleasant banner of feelings of accomplishment and direction. the long awaited appointment, which both ziona and i had so looked forward to would be behind us. we would know whether she is at tanner two, and if so, would have a prescription in hand for the puberty blockers.

the appointment to see the national center for lesbian rights lawyer after our visit to the clinic would help us to ascertain just what sort of hoop jumping or wrangling would be needed in order to acquire those ‘blockers’ through ziona’s medi-caid in florida. resolve. accomplishment.

no doubt a whirlwind day of flying across the country to keep two appointments, dealing with the airport lines, security, the red eye flight back at midnight that would deposit us home again a scant 24 hours later would carry it’s own hurried pace and once done would earn us a well-deserved sigh of relief.

breathe in….breathe out.

but that isn’t what this post is going to be about. no, as fate would have it, after getting up at 3:45 a.m. in order to get to the airport in time to retrieve our e-tickets from the machines, we were to learn that we weren’t going anywhere!

it just so happened that houston, the first leg of the flight, hadn’t sent a plane from their airport to pensacola because of violent thunderstorms over night. and even could we have found another plane to fly into houston in time to catch the flight to san francisco, it would do us no good, because houston airport wasn’t receiving any flights in by morning either as the storms had lingered.

so, there we were. in a long line of people all sharing the same situation. tickets for a flight that wouldn’t happen, waiting for the airline’s staff to find other means by which we might get to our destinations. but for us, leaving at 8 a.m. the next day would do no good. the child and adult gender clinic at ucsf happens only once each month, on the second tuesday.

my daughter, tho i admire the way she didn’t have a full-blown meltdown right there in the airport, could not help but express her exceeding dismay in a most loud and straight-forward manner, the only way a sleep-deprived autistic child can manage.

“i hate united!” she screamed, “and i hate delta too!” she continued.

i was on the phone with hotwire when finally it was our turn to speak to the united airlines personel. the gentleman explained that he had booked us on the flight out wednesday at 8 a.m. and in a rather panicked voice, i explained our situation. that the clinic only happened once a month, and begged him to check for a flight from orlando to san francisco. or anywhere else.

he did. that series of flights would get us to san francisco at 8 p.m. no good.

so i asked him if the airline could simply schedule us for the second tuesday in august on the same hectic itinerary. he did this, but i had yet another problem. what if the following month’s clinic had no openings for us. would i be able to reschedule the flight fo september’s clinic? the very nice man said, “if you find out by 1 p.m. today, i can change the flight again.”

he suggested i call the clinic to try to arrange it as soon as possible, a feat i knew from experience would be almost super-human in scope given the two hour time difference and the nature of bureaucracies. this was not the way i had hoped to spend the day. nothing for which i had so carefully planned was working out according to those plans! a thunderstorm! that’s all it had taken to derail them.

but if i’ve learned one thing through the various experiences that life has afforded me it’s that when things are out of your hands, it’s best just to sit back and watch what unfolds. frantically grasping in vain attempts to hold onto and control the situation would only be further frustration. maybe even make things worse.

it’s like if you’re at home plate, brandishing your bat, striking your stance and you see a curve ball coming, swinging wildly at it rarely results in a home-run. just watch it, calmly. wait for it….wait for it…then, if it comes back into strike range meet it with force.

but just wait for it…cause sometimes, it will be out of range and the ump will call it a ball and make the pitcher throw again!


5 thoughts on “wait for it….wait for it….

  1. Oh how frustrating. You can challenge people, you can challenge laws and procedures and bureaucracies. You cannot challenge the weather.
    It sounds like Zee handled it well considering the circumstances. You never mentioned, Were you able to get in for next month?
    Good luck with it all. I know it will work out in the end.

    • yes, ziona did very well…there were some outbursts…some judging looks from standers-by but … oh well. and right up to the last minute it appeared i would be driving to the airport to change it again! since the clinic for next month had no empty slots for us…but the doctor called and said we should come anyway, that they will squeeze us in…
      watch a hurricane shut down pensacola airport next! lol

      • The only advantage I see to your situation over mine is that you can call your clinic. I have been waiting for almost a month to hear if my referrals have been approved and scheduled. The NHS sends out letters and you just have to wait. It could come today or it could be weeks. I don’t know. It is enough to make you crazy. As the song says, the waiting is the hardest part.

      • So frustrating! But glad to hear you will get squeezed in next month. Let’s all hope only good things for you (and the weather) then!

      • thanks…and yes, let’s hope…weather and god willling we will be able to pull it off. :p

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