Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…



gentle reader…as you have no doubt deduced from the title of this post, what follows isn’t gonna be some sweet susie sunshine, isn’t life wonderful, type of post.

quite the contrary! it will be a genuine, good-for-nothing, get it out of the system rant.
one to which only other parents homeschooling a neuro-diverse autistic, good-temper-tantrum-throwing, stubborn nine year old can possibly relate.

it started at about 9:30 a.m.
our usual time to begin lessons for the day.

i know it is an hour later than most public schools get going,
(and as i point out to ziona, the kids are generally waiting for and riding a bus for at least one hour before that)
but that is the time we shoot for so that she can unwind the night, its dreams and such, eat breakfast and then, after many threats from me that unless she get over to the lesson area and start she’s gonna be wasting her ‘after-school’ game time she usually condescends with only a few grunts and grumbles, and sits down to her work.


not today!
today she decided to be most uncooperative! way more than the normal slow-walked foot-dragging that i’ve come to expect.
no, this was different. today she seemed to prefer to fight
(and i’m talkin’ a literal fight here, not just some argumentative resistance to the inevitable, she hits, swears, tears up her worksheets, punches holes in the lessons with her no. 2 pencil.)

to put this into some sort of context, we started at about 9:30 a.m., as i said before, and it is now about 6:30 p.m. and she has only just finished the seven worksheets, which only are one-sided, and consist in fill-in-the-correct-circle types of questions, except for the math which was the final worksheet, and for that there was a graph to plot.

that is 9 hours to do 7 worksheets!
doing a quick estimate with my mommy math brain, that is less! yes less than one side of one worksheet per hour, roughly.

but, and this is a big one, but it isn’t just that she dawdled, lost focus and was generally more uncooperative than a well-fed mule. oh no! she screamed, called me names, laid down on the bench and refused even to pick up her pencil for most of these 9 hours! she attacked my hand when i tried to put her pencil back on the table, from the floor where she had thrown it. stabbed me with it! not that hard, i mean she didn’t break the skin or anything.

my mom happened to call me sometime in the middle of all this and heard the ruckus. as usual she told me that she is certain she’d have killed a kid that did such things…long ago.

she wouldn’t of course…she’s a very nice woman, and even with 7 of us little demanding and unruly kids running around the house, she managed always to keep her cool. altho, every one of us remembers, and not too fondly, the “board of education”, hanging above the kitchen door…hanging there, until its use on our backside for whatever infraction we committed knowing that this was the likely consequence.

my one big threat, when she flat out refuses to do her lessons is to tell her that if i am not able to teach her at home, that i have to send her to public school. (even tho i’d no more do that than leave her on the steps of a catholic church in a basket, with a note attached) i tell her that the law requires of me as her parent to see to it that she gets an education. i tell her that furthermore, that if i don’t provide her this, the ‘state’ could take steps to ensure that she gets one.

and yes, i use ‘the state’ as a bogeyman and even tell scary stories about how they have taken children from their parents and put them in ‘group homes’ then made sure to send them to ‘public schools’ (and yes, i use ‘public school’ as a bogeyman too. because in my experience these ‘lord of the flies’, bully-filled brainwashing factories are probably worse punishment than i could ever bestow on a kid, no matter what the offense.)

ah, well..
this isn’t my first rodeo, as they say.
i homeschooled my now 27 yr old daughter all the way through to graduation…and she was no picnic either, even without an autism diagnosis and the other hindrances ziona has going on.

we will survive.
after finishing her worksheets she had to read some more of a book we’ve been trying to get done for the necessary book report. and then, she will be going off to bed.

on her way to her room, she asked me if she had spoiled her chances to play video games tomorrow.
i smile at her and told her…

no, tomorrow is a brand new day!

shit! i need a vacation!


4 thoughts on “Arrrrrrrrgh!

  1. I know how you feel, despite not having near the difficulties you must go through.

    child rearing is quite rough sometimes without the hindrances of the state as well. I don’t blame you using it as a boogeyman, though it’s a shame that has to be done. You know how I feel concerning all the interference.

  2. Thanks for letting me camp out in your blog for a little while today. I had a great time and tried to leave my campsite as good as when I arrived. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks!

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