some days i feel like simply pulling my hair out by fistfuls!!!
what, you might ask, has this usually calm and centered person so frustrated that such an exclamation is made?
as many of you may know who are regular readers of this blog, i have a young daughter. she’s lovely, transgender and has autism. the transgender part of this statement causes me discomfort because of the pain she feels at having what are, for her, the wrong genitalia. the autistic part of this statement causes much more frustration on my part, as she is unable to tolerate a school environment (altho i don’t think schools are the best places for children anyway) and therefore is homeschooling, with me as teacher. it is this last part, that is giving me the screaming fits right about now.
many high-functioning autistic persons have difficulty with schedules that are arranged by others, or by situations over which they have no control. many high-functioning autistic persons are NOT like ‘rain man’ and actually have great difficulty transferring short term memory input into long term memory storage. thus my daughter, altho very intelligent and absolutely comprehending maths and algebraic formulae must still refer to a multiplication table and counting on fingers to accomplish these lessons…altho reading at about a 9th or 10th grade level, has problems remembering how to spell ‘because’ or any other sight word.
i have plenty of patience for this…it is her absolute refusal to come to the table and actually cooperate with the lesson plans that bothers…er, drives me crazy. for example, today’s lessons were prefaced by an entire 3/4 of an hour of her trying to convince me to double up tomorrow’s lessons and let her slide today. and that whole process was prefaced by 15 minutes wherein she accused me about lying when i told her it was Monday, and thus a lesson day.
already she only does about 4 hour’s worth of actual lessons on any given day…did she not include the many fits and tantrums that amount of time would define her entire ‘school day’. but after adding on the time she spends in bargaining, angry reprisals and resistance, her day is stretched to about 6 hours!
it is almost a given that on lesson days there will be a fight. she will require me to raise my voice and be sternly resolute about the fact that the work will be done. it is almost a given these days that i will have to remind her that she either learns from me or is enrolled in public school. that there are laws to which i must adhere to ensure that she gets an education,…my way or theirs. no matter that i have tried to raise her and all my children without threats, when it comes to her cooperation with lessons i am almost always reduced to the “therefores” that sound so menacing…
no video games, no t.v., no ‘this’, no ‘that’…and “i’ll have to enroll you in school”
so today, another monday…another sesssion of futile bargaining…and another morning of raising my voice…
gods! i hate monday!