Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…


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into the deep end

it’s been a while since i’ve written in my blog…mostly because everything is going relatively smoothly in our lives..ziona and i have been doing our homeschool lessons and other things we like to do. we added japanese to our curriculum this year and more drawing, per her request.  she has tested out of 6th grade and we are all ready for the upcoming 7th grade lesson plan, having bought the necessary materials and researched what sorts of extra-curricular options we’ll consider.

we haven’t yet taken our trip out to california for her appointment at the child and adolescent gender clinic at ucsf with her ‘transition team’.  the vantas puberty blocker that she had implanted into her arm last year is still suppressing male puberty, but it is going to have to be replaced, probably later in the year.  but it may not be quite time to have it replaced by september when our next scheduled visit with her team is supposed to take place.

so i have gone online, to every resource of which i have knowledge to try to find a closer option for a pediatric endocrinologist that will consider being a more local part of ‘the team’.  already ziona’s primary care provider is part of the away team…ordering the tests that the ucsf pediatric endocrinologist orders.  but because of  it being a specialised branch of medicine, the pediatrician doesn’t feel comfortable with seeing to certain aspects of ziona’s needs.  including prescribing hormones or implanting the puberty blocker.

if i can find a local pediatric endocrinologist i can wrangle ziona’s medicaid into helping to pay for this as well…which would be a big help, as i am on a very fixed, very low income.  i haven’t found an endocrinology practice that mentions being okay with transgender treatments for minors anywhere in the whole state of florida! none!

so this is me, getting ready to dive into the deep end of the pool.  i am going to try to convince a local pediatric endocrinologist to become a part of the san francisco team…long distance…in the same way that the primary care physician does.  by being in touch with the very highly esteemed ucsf program to provide the hormones and/or puberty blockers that are necessary to my daughter’s well-being.

so wish me luck, readers! and if by chance anyone out there knows of a doctor in florida that already provides such a thing as pediatric endocrinology for transgender minors.  please comment below!


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it comes to this!

so much has been in recent media, both t.v. and written journals, here and abroad, about transgender issues. for the most part i try to focus on the positives, the progress made, the greater understanding because of exposure, the protections being finally fought for the whole of the transgender/transsexual community and the recognition of the needs exclusive to them ~ medical, societal and otherwise. i tend to be a ‘cup half-ful’ kind of person anyway.

so when the burchills of this world begin with their vapid and hateful tirades against transgender folk i don’t let it rile me to any greater extant than i allow my blatantly racist and idiotic uncle’s remarks about blacks and other people of color. it just isn’t worth ruining my day over their bullshit. but whereas my uncle only sends out emails to folk who either manage to overlook his idiocy because of a blood relationship (i just delete anything with his address on it) or the few throwbacks of that dying (thank gods) breed that actually share his views he is only able to reach a few, but the burchills and rush limbaughs of this world have a much broader platform. and yes, i did just equate judy burchill with rush.

i let the whole media furor in and out of my thoughts chalking it all up as similar to dyed-in-the-wool white -hooded KKK hangers-on who should really have already been relegated to the distant past of a misguided society. i understood that ms. burchill would almost surely never so vehemently attack jewish or black people to attempt a defense of another writer who had come under scrutiny for their remarks the way she did in defending suzanne moore. what i didn’t and still don’t understand is how she could possible justify her ranting hate-speech against transgender people.

but of course, as with many radical feminists (not all though) she obviously considers transgender women as not women at all. and as is the case in any oppression, the first step is to deny the group in question their goddess-given personhood.

suzanne moore’s observance of the ridiculous standard of beauty foisted upon women by the lecherous patriarchal society is of course spot on. but to single out a group of people as exemplifying the fake ideal was wrong. brazilian transsexuals are people…real people. and as women they are just as oppressed and suffer the same imposed standards as any other woman.

so, that furor has come and largely gone…tho not in my mind or the thoughts of others who were rightly offended by burchill’s remarks. now there is a new and even more outrageous reminder of closed-mindedness and outright oppression in the news. and it aims even lower…pardon the pun…as it seeks to bring back the same sort of pre-civil rights era segregation of transgender/transsexual folk: requiring them to show i.d. before being allowed to (wait for it) PEE!

what the fucking hell?

passing laws that actually make segregation of a whole community of people not only easier, but legal? sometimes i am certain that our evolution as a species is questionable. outside of lemmings, what other creatures on this planet seem to go out of the way to ensure their own demise? and isn’t that what we are doing when we legislate against a whole group of humans simply because we don’t like them? white people used to think it was fine to do this to black folk of course, along with any other people whose skin was darker than their own. straight folk think it’s quite alright to allow legislation against gay folk too, denying them the right to marry, serve their country without hiding who they are. but now! really?
it’s come to this?!!

despite anyone’s notions to the contrary, my daughter is and has always been a girl. she lives her life as a girl, she suffers being bullied by ignorant boy children because she is a girl. and like the older girls in our society, she will likely earn less, be scrutinised more closely and oppressed in precisely the same way as is common in our patriarchal world, regardless of her having been born with male genitalia.

so how dare anyone make laws that hinder equality and legalise oppression, against this or any other group of people whose only crime is that they are different? and really! bathroom privilege? what’s next? separate water fountains!!!


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“transition as transaction: the commodification of womanhood”

this entire article by natalie reed resonates with my own frustrated sensibilities concerning patriarchal estimations of what is or isn’t womanly. but an even more extreme mirror is held up to transgender women, even within their own community.

it is called “passing”

i have been meaning to post about this, because it tends to bother me on a regular basis, when coming across mention being made in blogs, articles or conversations. and i will speak my thoughts in my next entry. for now, enjoy the clarity that is natalie reed’s mind.

i can’t and wont speak for transgender women…they have their own voice. and to many of them it is important to “pass”.

still, i refuse to think of my sisters in terms of whether or not they “pass”. the soul within them is their womanhood…despite external appearances.


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reblogged from natalie reed…’de-transitioning’

http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/11/06/on-detransition/

i put the article before my post, for a good reason.
it is important that people understand that i, as a cis-gendered woman, no matter that i am raising a transgender daughter, would be just another ‘gatekeeper’ did i not give credit where it is due.

some folk on a parents of transgender children chat site to which i subscribe have recently posted on forum that their previously transitioned kids have done an about-face. this despite the support of their family. whenever i read about this, my mind goes two ways.

first, i am embarrassed to admit, i think that i would be totally okay with it did my daughter decide that she isn’t really a girl. that she is, after all, a boy. altho i would wonder why she were changing her mind. it would be in so many ways a relief. not because of the cost in money and time invested in going forward with the puberty blockers, cross hormones and surgical procedures, or the legal name and gender changes. but because if she could live as the boy her body declares her to be she would be more safe. she wouldn’t be singled out by bigots and haters, trolls and bullies…at least not just for ‘being’.

the second way my mind goes upon hearing about young people deciding to ‘de-transition’ is addressed in the article. what sort of psychic pain at being ‘different’, or rejection by peers, or sense of fearing never being accepted into their perceived gender might be behind their change of heart. does it just seem as if it is “all too much”, overwhelming? a sort of suspiciousness enters my thought upon hearing about this which belies my cis-gender privelege…as if it were my place to judge the person’s motives.

it seems clear to me that ziona wont be one of these who reconsider their gender identity at some point and decide that she is a boy after all. but it would be her right to. and altho as her parent i might want to have some explanation, some reason given me to smoothe over my confusion or assuage my suspicions, none would be necessary for me to support her right to self-definition or re-definition.

i am part of the cis-priveleged dominant society…it isn’t for me to say what is the right way to be ‘transgender’. nor is it my place to declare that there is an underclass of ‘not true transgender’ folk, as many within the trans-community feel is their right when a woman doesn’t opt for the ‘surgery’, or falls short of their guidelines for whatever reason.

it is a source of wonder to me that people within one’s community might be so ready to disregard the personal reality of those who share membership therein.

don’t we get enough of that from the oppressors?


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enough to go around

lately in the news is a story about a brave judge, making the right decision. i refer to the massachusetts case of a transgender person, in prison for murder, and the decision the judge passed down declared that denying this person treatment for their condition constituted ‘cruel and unusual punishment’, thus making way for this prisoner to have a gender reassignment treatment and surgery.

you can imagine that is going over like a led balloon with the ‘tax-payers’, especially those of a prejudging bent. but what if the treatment were a triple by-pass to correct a congenital heart defect? would the tax-paying public have a chance in hell of denying that person who will spend the rest of their life in prison the life-saving surgery and treatment they would require?

i think not. but maybe…

now this person, who currently resides in a prison for men, is certainly not a poster child to elicit compassion, i guess. she killed her wife, after all. imagine the irony of being a woman in a man’s body in a men’s prison for killing a woman!

but the judge made the right call. gender dysphoria is a real and treatable disorder. and from what the various reports have said, she had it bad! suicidal, self-harming and self-destructive behaviours. and who knows to what extent the circumstance of her psychological torment figured into her inability to restrain her actions with regard to the murder.

to withhold treatment from a person because we find their crime heinous is not an excuse. and their are protections in place for those who inhabit our far too extensive prison systems for good reason. the fact that the prisoner is transgender is irrelevant and the treatment and subsequent gender reassignment won’t make her less a murderer, nor will it commute her sentence. (altho she will most assuredly be transferred to a woman’s prison after that.)

the judge’s decision is the correct one, and a big step forward for transgender folk in our society. so it is no surprise that many uptight, right-wing nut jobs and people vying for political office are all weighing in on the ‘wrongness’ of it all.

but imagine my surprise, when among the various news stories and blogs i found that made mention of this was one in which a blog cites the possible danger that advancing the rights and equalities of transgender women poses for the women’s rights movement. can you imagine?

like, would white women feel threatened in the sixties that black women being able to register to vote would somehow lessen their own right to do so…lay waste the suffrage movement? what the bleep?!!!

the blog was on wordpress somewhere, but i didn’t bother to take note of its url. reading the mission statement at the top of the page said all i needed to know. apparently women’s rights, in their estimation, do not extend to trans-women. the very notion that these transgender type women are recognised as women threatens the advances that ‘real’ women have fought for. and rights being extended to these ‘faux’ women apparently might actually make it necessary to include them in all women spaces, programmes and such. a horror story!

my daughter is way more woman than these fraidy cats! she will have to fight for the right simply to be recognised as a woman, not just to be empowered as one! she will have to have surgery to correct the mistake her body has made and will need to take hormones for the rest of her life just to be who she is…a female.

who the bleep do these women think they are, cis-gendered pretenders to the throne of all things female? they’ve never had to work at being the girls they are…it was simply their birth right…and like all other types of “entitled” folk, they are content to lord it over the likes of my daughter, to deny them access or entry into their exclusive club.! i don’t even consider these types women! since they have allowed their cis-gendered priveleged status to justify looking down their collective nose at transgender women. real women don’t deny other women their place in society!

i’ve met this type of woman before, at women’s gatherings…many of which exclude even post-op trans-women, some that allow them but would like to check them for a residual penis before letting them enter…like the michigan’s womyn’s festival for one. and now, apparently, just having the world at large, (and especially this judge’s decision) grant transgender women equal rights, acceptance as women etc. is a threat to the community of “women born women” (goddess i hate that phrase!@)

what the frack!!!???

do these women think there’s not enough equality to go around?

****************************************************************
on the other hand, there have been some very thoughtful and forward thinking articles about the issue of this judge and the woman whose rights he protected.

http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/09/07/814131/boston-globe-publishes-columnists-anti-transgender-screed/

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/09/is-denying-treatment-to-transsexual-inmates-cruel-and-unusual/262074/


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Beating the cis-tem: A look at privilege based on gender identification – Iowa State Daily: News

a very necessary article for those of us with trans-folk as friends or family members.
helping cis-folk to realise their own priveleged status in relation to the oppressor/oppressed position of cis over trans persons can open minds.
in turn, open minds can unlock the consideration and compassion so often withheld from people who differ from the dominant society’s hierarchical paradigm.

Beating the cis-tem: A look at privilege based on gender identification – Iowa State Daily: News.


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big hairy mole

what should they know and when should they know it?

about five years ago, a nearly life-long friend of mine who’d gone through sexual reassignment surgery and was embarking on dating men asked me a question. she wanted to know at which point she should ‘reveal’ the truth of her past.

it was a hard question for me to think about answering. on the one hand, i felt that as a cis-woman it wasn’t my place to advise. on the other hand, this was a dear and very close friend who was asking me really only for my opinion.

but there were even more difficult aspects of this simple request. my fears for her safety made me want to say that she should make sure the person knows before the situation gets involved enough to rouse desire in the guy. (my friend is straight). i know all too well how dangerous the world can be. there are countless stories i’ve heard from people and in the news about men attacking women who are transsexuals. they often feel mislead, betrayed and enraged if they have felt attracted to someone they find out wasn’t exactly ‘female’.

still, i was conflicted by the fact that on the occasions that trans-women have approached me for the purpose of a date, they have felt the need to tell me that they weren’t ‘born’ women. an unnecessary precaution as far as i’m concerned, since even before my own child presented herself to me as other than the son i’d thought i was raising, it seemed to me that a person who’s had to go such lengths to become the woman they’ve always known themselves to be is perhaps more woman than i am, who by accident of birth was born one.

now that i am the parent of a trans-girl i feel even more of a disconnect between the things i feel it’s necessary for others to know and the things that happen if they don’t know such things in advance.

my daughter is a girl and has always been one. the fact of her male body is to her mind a cruel birth defect, one that will be surgically repaired at the earliest possible convenience. so what if it was a cleft palate that was surgically repaired? would it be necessary to inform a potential ‘date’ about that? what about if it was a big hairy mole that was removed?

why is it considered necessary for trans-persons to reveal all? isn’t it only because cis-privelege demands it of them? even some of the most open-minded within the lgbt community think that transgender/transsexual people should be ‘out’ about the gender that was assigned at birth. i know. i’ve met them!

so, and i’m asking for opinions now, what should they know and when should they know it? how much of a person’s past identity, whether physical or merely their ‘history’ must they reveal? and why? should i be required to let a person i’m interested in know that 40 years ago i used heroin? that i’m fatally allergic to bees?

some people who think trans-folk should reveal themselves before dating insist that it is deceptive not to. but what about their own pasts histories do they withhold? what about their own medical histories do they deem private matters? isn’t insisting that transsexual/transgender persons tell all just another way to discriminate between “them” and “us”?

my daughter is very out in the open about herself,and prefers not to hide things she’s not ashamed of. and society needs to see people like her. to know that they are normal. but for myself, i think that it is no more necessary for a girl to reveal such things before we date than it is for her to tell me about a big hairy mole removed from her ass.