Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…


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facebook, this is not spam!

facebook has been refusing to allow, not only this website, but others i frequent, saying they are spam. i contacted facebook to contest this practice. got a form letter via email which in effect thanked me for contacting them, but nothing would be done about it…nor would the matter be looked into.

so, i am gonna paste this to my facebook page, and see what happens.

god, i hate big sister! (cispa) or whatever one should call such impositions on our freedoms!

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look to the lizards

on my front porch are many different life-forms. some animal, some plant, even some fungi! among the animal kingdom residents are anole lizards. these lovely little green lizards, besides ridding my grapevines and other plants of nasty little insects, offer hours of entertainment watching them.

they manoeuvere the tangle of grapevine branches, leaping from leaf to leaf with all the ease of a marvel superhero at once astounding and comical. their swiftness when lashing out to capture a fly or other insect that dared be in the proximity is amazing.
the males bloat their brightly colored throat pouches whilst showing off their prowess with a serious of push-ups. the females put on their most aloof attitude, glance at them, then scurry away. whether for pleasure or pure necessity these creatures loll around, basking in the sun without a care in the world. or so it seems.

actually, they do have a few worries. – predators! – for which reason they have evolved a most effective weapon.- hiding.

while perching upon the broad grape leaves, they are the beautiful green color normally associated with their species. while resting on a branch of my red,ornamental japanese maple they assume a dull henna color, and clinging to the privacy fence that surrounds my yard, while in the shade while taking a breather before moving on, they attempt to mimic the reddish-brown color it appears in shadows. a more lovely grey i’ve not seen!

in the human world there are predators, so people have their own camouflage too. especially people who are different. like i was, like ziona is.

as a bi-sexual woman my gayer sisters and brothers in the community often accused me of being a chameleon. of having it easier because i could blend in if i wanted to. in reality, my sexual preference only served to make me misunderstood in both worlds, gay and straight.

transsexual women who “pass” easily are often hated. those who don’t are hated as well. ziona may never have to disguise the ravages of testosterone since she will have never suffered its effects, but she realises, even at this young age, that she may have to hide some facts of her life-story from the world at large and will have to share these same facts with the women to whom she is attracted, before becoming intimate with them.

it’s wise of her to already know these things, to understand that in our society there are predators, and therefore reasons to hide. like our front-porch denizens many of us can bask in the open light of day only with risk of peril. our predators are the reason we feel the need to hide, to change color and melt into the background at times. still the so-called normal world takes this survival technique as evidence of shame.

we are not ashamed! but we will not be victimised by those whose ethics and values, falsely so-named, allow for predating upon us. if we seem to hide, it is only because we well know how to spot the shadow of a vulture passing overhead. like my lizards.

i hope for a tomorrow that has grown in compassion, understanding and tolerance. a bright world where being who we are, whatever that is, doesn’t mean risking our lives. but until then, i look to the lizards…they seem happy enough, and they survive!


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the grapevine: a parable

this year i planted a grapevine in the garden in front
of my house. my porch has a small railing with almost a
fence. watching the little plant grow and wind itself
along this has been filling me with insights not pertaining
to grapevines at all

i’ve been thinking about how like our children this vine is.
how it supports itself on nearby things, even the most
meager structure. how it sends forth branches that feel
their way to find places and means to hold up the new growth. how little is necessary outside itself, save the necessities of light and water, to encourage its coming to be.

vastly different from the prim and crucified vines of the
napa and sonoma vineyards, this little creature winding its
leaves and vines onto my porch is wild and full of potential
since no one is bending it to a purpose outside its own.

society often acts more like a vineyard than a garden in
this respect. in a vineyard, thousands of little crosses
stand row upon row preparing to receive the plants then bind
them to its purpose. and the same is true of society, and
the dominant paradigm.

many parents play into the vineyard mentality as well. not
allowing their children to simply “come to be”. instead
imposing ‘therefores’ and purposes beyond the needs of the
child, which, as with the grapevine, are relatively few.

outside of the necessities of food, shelter and such, they
require some support from those nearest them. but in order
for them to grow into their own they should never be bound
to a cross, then trimmed and pruned to purposes not their
own. because if allowed, like the grapevine, they will send
forth tendrils and branches, and find places to anchor
themselves to their world.

some parents, like the keepers of vineyards, have expect-
ations of a certain fruit in a specific quantity. so they
bend and bind the little vines in their care.

i believe that as a parent it is not my job to decide upon
the purpose of my daughter’s life. her purpose in life and
the fruit she will bear must in the end be her own. after
all, this isn’t grapes we’re talking about.

but to provide only the basics of of food, shelter and such
would be a mistake. to act as that ‘nearby support’ requires
something more. it often means being there to allow their
various branches to find anchorage in their world. and from time to time, helping a tendril to find the porch, or
doing a bit of bug control. (smile)

my daughter is one of those for whom society’s vineyard
just wont do. from the moment the doctor declared, “it’s a
boy” the reality of the vineyard has been at odds with the
reality of her being.

it is wonderful to see her,like the grapevine on the front porch, growing free of the restrictions of the vineyard!

it would be better still to see society
act less like a production oriented people factory and more like a nurturing wild garden.