Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…

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confound the judgmental minds

lately i’ve been doing alot of research…i won’t bother going through all of it here.
it was brought on by an article i had read that stated that men, who because of cancer or other mishap, have had to have their penis removed, experience “phantom limb” sensations commonly felt by other people who have had other kinds of amputations.

the article went on to say that transgender persons, both those who have had their previous genitalia re-fashioned into a vagina, and those who have had the penis removed entirely do NOT experience “phantom limb”.

this seems to me an important point.

my research led me to MRI studies of the brains of persons from both these groups. and then into another area, which is not directly related to the whole ‘transgender’ mind research, but was interesting in that it pointed out how much more there is for us to learn about the mind and identity.

this other avenue dealt with folk who “suffer” from xenomelia which is defined as the oppressive feeling the sufferers have that one or more of their limbs is ‘not theirs’. Here are a few of the names the condition has been known by:

Amputee Identity Disorder
Body Identity Integrity Disorder.

now, before anyone can get the idea that i am attempting to equate transgender/transsexual persons with those that fit into this group let me assure you, it is not my intent.

what i found very interesting in my hours of finding and reading scholarly research about all of the conditions mentioned in this post, was that one’s identity ~ whether body identity, or gender identity ~ is born out by correlative MRI evidence that these minds are different, right down to the very structural and/or electrical activity, than the minds of neuro-typical, cis-gender persons.

this would seem to settle the question once and for all as to the authenticity of transgender and transsexual persons…it would seem to lay to rest all those trolls who comment at the bottoms of blogs and articles about trans-issues, that equate our transgender children’s identity with fantasies about what they’d like to be when they grow up…

it is highly unlikely that the functional MRI of a cis-gender child considering a future occupation would reveal much of a difference between one who wants to be an astronaut and another who sees himself as a ballet dancer. the brains of our transgender children are structurally and functionally more similar to their affirmed gender than to the gender to which they were assigned at birth.

with every further bit of research done with regard to brain/mind and body/identity, evidence emerges about just how little we know, and how much there is yet to learn. but one thing seems clear, our transgender children ARE exactly who they say they are. no matter what the trolls and closed-minded people might believe.

to any person raising a transgender child, i highly recommend doing some research. not because it gives authenticity to our kids ~ they have that whether or not science can validate their experience ~ but do so because being able to cite such research confounds the simpletons who judge.

then ignore both the research and the jerks…and simply love your child. that’s the fun part!


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don’t ask – don’t tell?

my child is a beautiful eight year old girl;
full of wonder, light and tomorrows.
she doesn’t have to be much bothered right now
with things like cis-ist attitudes and
judgmental opinions about who she is.
but as she becomes a bit older,
no doubt she will one day come up
against the brick wall that is
‘the dominant paradigm’.

today we went to the bank to deposit a check.
we hadn’t seen the teller who assisted me
for well over a year. she may have been
at another branch … who knows.
zeeona was playing at ‘hide from the cameras’,
a game she plays to avoid the many not-so-hidden
cameras scanning the place for potential robbers
and thieves.

as i was filling out the deposit slip,
out of the corner of my eye, i watched as
the teller’s face registered first recognition,
then disgust. she had caught sight of zeeona
and remembered that ‘she’ used to be ‘he’.
i braced myself for the inevitable.

“how old is your son getting to be now?” came the question.

zeeona was blissfully oblivious to this insult
and was still busy ducking and dodging the cameras.
as for me, i contemplated turning to the teller
and answering her.

then decided to feign oblivion, as tho
i hadn’t heard her.

if she asked again, i would tell her,
“my daughter” is eight now, isn’t she beautiful?”
then if she pursued the matter further
i would tell her that zeeona happens to be
a very special girl.

but the teller didn’t ask again.

i finished filling out the slip and
just before handing it to the teller
i called out to zeeona

“okay, girlfriend (a term we use for one another)
done here soon”

again, out of the corner of my eye
the face across the counter registered disgust,
and even a slight and no doubt unconscious
shaking of the head as she accepted the slip
and began to print out a receipt.

she didn’t ask, so i wouldn’t have to tell.

but a part of me wished she’d’ve had the guts
to inquire further.
a part of me wanted to gently awaken understanding in her,
not only for my daughter
but for others who are in some way different
from her self.

what kind of world will it be for zeeona if who she is
must be kept hidden: a secret.
what kind of world is it that wont even allow
discussion of the obvious!
(because obviously, the teller knew!)

being cis and bi it has always been easy for me to ‘pass’
within the confines of the dominant paradigm
if i so chose.

but the rebel in me always wanted folk to know
how i differed from their reality. will zeeona feel the same?

since she already lives as a girl.
and will transition into puberty as a girl,
then shortly after she is 16 undergo surgery to
put everything just so,
will she feel the need to be recognised as
someone who started out life in a male body?

or will she feel more comfortable just being seen as
the girl she’s always been?

i don’t know.
what i do know is that this special faerie child
has opened my perceptions to myriad ponders
even before and ever since she surprised me with
who she is.