Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…


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nimby syndrome, a brain-eating infection

this morning i woke to this story here’s the letter in full. from twitter.

i’m simply gobsmacked, but not surprised that there are heartless people who don’t mind exposing their own nasty bits. however, unlike the trench-coated pervert who flashes his private parts to an unsuspecting and disgusted bystander, this sort of person doesn’t bother to hid their indiscretions and abominable nature.

perhaps the story mentioned above will turn out to be a giant hoax. that would be some small comfort…but not much. there would still be the whole “who the hell would prank something this awful’ taste in the mouth.

but it isn’t hard for me to believe that there’s one person crazy enough to visit their hate so obviously and openly (altho the letter was anonymous), because there’s whole throngs of people like this raising a stink about transgender kids using the right restroom for them in the school they attend.

high profile, not hiding behind an anonymous letter, making threats, using the court system, slinging their ignorance about like a chimpanzee in a cage does shit, like the lady who sent that letter these folk seem to have more than just the nimby syndrome (not in my back yard). perhaps an extremely virulent form of it that has morphed into a brain-eating infection that renders them incapable of rational, human thought.

some of these “not in my school” variants are pulling their ‘normal’ kids out of the public school systems around the country that have the audacity to treat transgender kids with kindness, consideration and respect. but it doesn’t stop there. no way! they feel they must try to repeal legislation that allows protections under the law to those whom they would oppress, persecute and ostracise.

like the author of this letter, they are convinced of their own righteousness, of their right to feel such awful things about another human being, of their superior standing in normal society and their justifiable lack of a heart.

people like my beautiful 10 year old transgender daughter, who is also autistic have a long row to hoe already…not because of who they are, but because of how full society still is of all these less evolved souls, and outright demon-possessed, frothing at the mouth idiots.

honestly! it’s the fucking 21st century!


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cylon ‘skin-jobs’ and rights of personhood

a while back a sci-fi series called ‘caprica’ aired. i followed it religiously well before i had seen even one ‘battlestar galactica’. being a big science fiction fan it is strange that i’d never bothered to watch ‘bsg’ but perhaps the word ‘battle’ in the title was enough to put me off.

‘caprica’ came, then went the way of many shows i’ve liked. it was discontinued. since the action in caprica occurs well before the ‘galactica’, about 60 years, no mention is made to ‘battlestar galactica’. then an acquaintance from a book club i belonged mentioned ‘battlestar galactica” after i used and explicative i’d learned from ‘caprica…(it was ‘fracking’ and has nothing to do with natural gas)

so i’ve been watching “battlestar galactica”.

for those who haven’t ever seen the series, cylons are robots with artificial intelligence. they became ‘self-aware’ and eventually were able to synthesize human bodies to house their consciousness, but flesh and blood bodies are easily injured and damaged to the point of non-functioning state. for this reason, they have ‘resurrection’ bodies just like the one that ‘died’ into which to upload their consciousness. there are 12 different cylon ‘human-like’ models. ‘skin-job’ is a derogatory slur used by humans when referring to these beings. altho even worse ones are often used.

for the most part, human beings and cylon humans are at war. but the loathing that humans feel for them seems to go deeper than just their dark, mutual history, a history from which it could be argued that cylons, subsequent to their creation having been enslaved and oppressed by humans have the more justifiable position.

when humans finally learn that some cylons have human bodies, can reason and communicate, feel pain and emotions, have memories, a sense of right and wrong, this does nothing to change the prejudice. instead they loathe them all the more vehemently, and fear them. but because the cylon models are indistinguishable from humans, some people fall in love with them without realising that they’ve been intimate with a ‘skin job’. and at least one such relationship resulted in the cylon model becoming pregnant and giving birth to a baby.

humans do not allow personhood to cylon “skin-jobs”. they are considered machines, despite the fact that they are flesh and blood, have memories, emotions.

being a poet, primarily, and thus wont to see analogies and metaphor, i began to see a commonality shared by trans-women and human-form cylons. that being, no matter how hard either may try, they will not be granted personhood. a cylon, despite fighting side by side for the humans with whom they live, are still viewed as ‘less than’, or ‘other than’ human. the trans-women, despite being relegated to a place lower than cis-women in society, despite going to much trouble to be women, despite having the same emotions, pain, as their sisters are denied womanhood.

so i say to my cis-sisters: “we are not now, nor have we ever been at war with, or attacked by transgender women. they share the plight women share and suffer things we will (thankfully) never know! how can we deny them personhood?, womenhood?!”

my daughter is not a cylon. she will not be resurrected into another body. but she is also NOT a male! she is a beautiful transgender and affirmed female. one who has, since she was 3 years old, been a real girl, despite the body she into which she was “uploaded”. one who has already suffered discrimination for being a girl, when she could have told the bully “i am not just a ‘stupid girl’!”. she will earn the same amount less than a man that any other woman will. she will be even more likely to be raped or abused than any other woman. so how dare you? my sisters. how dare you deny her the womanhood into which you were entitled by mere accident of birth?!


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No, Bill O’Reilly, Glee Will Not Make Your Kid Transgender. And So What if It Does? | | AlterNet

saw this and had to post it…enjoy!

No, Bill O'Reilly, Glee Will Not Make Your Kid Transgender. And So What if It Does? | | AlterNet.


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wouldn’t wish it on anyone

the other day, after a long time since last i’d spoken with her, i called up an old friend. we’ve known each other since the early 1980’s when she still wore the external body of a male. but to me, she was and has always been, my sister.

ever since she was able to recall, she had felt as tho she wasn’t male. beaten for wearing her sister’s dresses and derided for being a sissy, her childhood was not a very happy one. only her mother seemed to quietly understand and support her.

like many transgender people who aren’t allowed a choice in the matter, she chose to follow the lifestyle and sexual preference of a gay male, on the inside knowing that she was really something other. like many transgender people before her and since, she knew that being gay was not who she was. but even within the lgbt community, at a time when the ‘t’ part of that acronym was not fully accepted by the community, she was told that she was probably really just a feminine gay man.

she knew better, but just as many others like herself, she began down a long road of self-destructive behaviours and equally as destructive relationships, thinking that the path to her true self would never be within reach.

many long years later she chose to insist upon being true to herself. it wasn’t easy. no one seemed to support her in this, altho as always, her mother extended quiet acceptance and support. so when about a decade ago she started on the path to becoming the woman she had always thought herself to be, there were few who stood beside her and many more who abandoned her completely.

as of today, she has been living outloud as a woman for ten years, and as a post-op transsexual for the past six. we often talk together, by phone since we live in different states. i feel honored to be one of the few with whom she’d always known she could count on.

in the early years after her gender-reassignment surgery our conversations were filled with her expressions of joy in finally being HERself. there were all the emotional differences between male and female to take note of, and she did. there was also a sense of regret at not having been able to ‘grow up female’, as she felt that ‘culturally’ there was much of nuance she had missed. still, she felt empowered as a female in a way she had never experienced as a male. she gloried in her new found sexuality, because altho she had been with men as a man, it was a whole other feeling to experience this as a woman.

often she would tell me that the lovers with whom she had been intimate since becoming a woman seemed disingenuous; as tho they were only ‘hot’ for her because it was such forbidden fruit. few seemed very interested in her as a person, and fewer still wanted to commit themselves in any real way to a relationship, or even being seen with her in public, in that small rural community of america’s mid-section.

she was equally as frustrated by the reaction of women, her peer group really, because there seemed to be little acceptance of her into their hallowed sorority , or even acknowledgement of her womanhood. and among women who knew not of her being transsexual, she often sensed jealousy directed towards her for attention men paid to her.

as i started out saying earlier, i called her again after a long time…months. she was depressed and going through such things as i wont mention here, but most of which had to with the prejudice, and oppression cis-centric society imposes upon those who don’t walk the binary line. it seems the most ignoble irony that her struggle to become whole is seen by most as a pathology, a mental illness or personality disorder. in healing herself, many see her as sick.

as i listened to her, i heard her loneliness, her frustrations. the realisation that she was one of the more oppressed minorities in our society, (a woman…and a transsexual woman at that!) was beginning to take its toll. the men with whom she had had real relationships as a woman, treated her the way society has ever allowed men to treat women: as underlings, to be dominated and controlled by whatever means they chose. the feeling of being empowered as a woman was being met headlong with the reality of a second class citizenry allotted to women.

after long hours of listening to her, she said; “i wouldn’t wish this on anyone” referring to being a trans-woman. i wasn’t shocked.
she wasn’t saying she regretted becoming a woman, it is after all who she really is. rather she was saying that the level of discrimination, ostracisation and oppression to which people like herself were subjected is such a curse as to not want anyone else to have to suffer it. she said this knowing that my eight-year old child is transgender and will one day face similar pain.

of course, these are precisely the realities that made me so fearful at my little boy’s assertions of being a girl inside. these and worse fears were behind my reluctance to really hear what ziona was saying. the hard road ahead to merely becoming who she is will likely be fraught with similar discriminations, ostracising and oppression even despite the progress being made to allow transgender/transsexual people to enjoy the same rights and freedoms as cis people. and even if or when society legislates in favor of transsexual/transgender people, it isn’t possible to legislate people’s attitudes away. there are those who seek to harm gay and transgender folk today despite the ‘hate-crime’ legislations in effect.

it is more than sobering to realise that in supporting my transgender daughter in her need to become who she is, i may prevent her from committing suicide (as many trans folk do that are not allowed to be themselves), i may be able to make sure that she gets the puberty blockers in time to prevent any ‘male’ attribute perpetrating its irreversible assault to her feminine nature, i may be able to scrimp and save for the medications and subsequent surgeries she will insist upon pursuing (and she will), but one thing i cannot do is rest assured that society will treat her with the respect to which she is entitled.

but that’s why i speak out. that’s why i educate others, whomever will listen. and that’s why i am encouraged by the strong trans-women who have gone before to show the way, who blog, write books and go about their lives being unapologetically themselves.

there is no therefore herein. wish i could come up with one. altho if a test existed to identify a transgender person while in utero and i should find that the life growing in my womb bore that gene, i would not consider such thing cause for termination, it is still something i wouldn’t wish on anyone! not at least until society has grown to the measure of compassion necessary to ensure equality and acceptance to all its various members.


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freedom? paint me a picture!

it strikes me as somewhat odd that the same folk
that shout the loudest and proudest about freedom
and how great it is that we in the U.S. enjoy more of it
than elsewhere, are often the same folk that would
deny freedoms to other americans. the freedoms that
they themselves enjoy.

recently this country commemorated the myth of the
signing of the declaration of independence. this holiday
is beset with fireworks that could just as well
signify the bombs that the U.S. either sells to other
nations or drops outright upon their populations.

people in this already bloated and obesity beset place
eat and drink themselves into oblivion, never really
stopping to realize that the signing of the that
ancient document was far from synonymous with freedom,
either back then or now.

in 1776, the forefathers held slaves, and denied women,
as well as non-land owning folk the right to elect
the persons who were supposed to represent them.

the native population surely did not enjoy more freedom
because of this ‘declaration’. the creator to whom the forefathers referred, the one who had endowed ‘men’ with certain inalienable rights, (among them the right to
life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness) apparently
did not mean to extend these rights to ‘everyone’.

many of the same folk that shout the loudest and proudest
about this ‘freedom’ stuff are against gay marriage, or
gay people at all if truth be known. and you can imagine
what these liberty loving fools think about transgender
folk and what rights these might be able to enjoy.

so it goes. those that have their freedoms in the bag
aren’t always that concerned about whether other folk are guaranteed theirs.

even within still oppressed communities that fight for basic rights and equalities today there exists prejudice that justifies exclusion of rights and equalities for others.

so i say, “freedom? paint me a picture!”


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so same sex marriage passes…so what?!

more and more i see what is frustrating to transgender folk about being lumped into the lgbt acronym.

lesbians and gay men already enjoy many ‘rights’ and ‘perks’ that aren’t available to the transgender community.

*bathroom priveleges
*laws restricting descrimination in:
– housing
– employment
– military (soon)

now gay folk can marry. and it’s great! they shouldn’t ever have been precluded from the right to have their love acknowledged.

but for people like my daughter, even getting their own real selves acknowledged and deemed lawful is still a struggle on all sides!

* birth certificate and other I.D. to reflect their true gender
* laws that would prohibit discrimination in
– housing
– employment
– military

and altho in the states that now allow ‘gay’ marriage it’s possible for a transgender woman to marry another woman, this is simply a side-effect of a law intended for the more privileged letters of the lgbt acronym.

my daughter is at least or maybe more female than those born into the gender. she will have to take hormones and have surgery, just so that her body will comform to her true self. and yet there are those, even in the gay and lesbian community, who see her as less.

less of a woman,
less of a reality.

as a member of the gay community for many years. (about 30 to be exact) i well know the gains that have been wrenched from the hold of the dominant culture. but what of the gains of the transgender community whose letter (T) is tacked onto the end of that acronym?

the gay community has very often tried to distance itself from people like my daughter in order that they might have more acceptance, more validity. that they might get ‘theirs’.

but what about ‘hers’?

who cares about her rights to safety when she needs to use a restroom that reflects who she is? who cares about her self-definition if her birth certificate says ‘male’, simply because she’s not yet old enough to have undergone “treatment” (read surgical alteration)? in some states even having gone ‘all the way’ doesn’t ensure an easy road to your legal I.D reflecting your true gender. who cares about that?

and if it seems fair that the lgb part of the equation ‘get theirs’ first so that they can open the way for the t part of the equation, (which it doesn’t to me) let me point out that in the civil rights battles, women stood along side men to stand up for the rights of african-americans but women still haven’t even been able to get the ERA passed.

those liberated don’t always turn around to give a hand up to those whose rights were not considered.

my daughter is only eight years old. and as luck would have it she will probably be able to marry the woman of her choosing even if she does so as the woman she wasn’t born to be. but what of some of my straight transsexual friends? what good does the right to marry do you if discrimination and disregard haunt every aspect of your life, except nuptials?

my daughter relates to the l part of the lgbt more than the t part. in her pure mind she is simply a girl. the wrong equipment can be put right, because that’s what a girl requires, in her opinion. she has no idea, how oppressive society is of people like her self. and hopefully by the time she’s old enough to realise this things will change for the better.

but it’s not getting better if other oppressed groups within the society and dominant culture only seek to improve their own lot, whilst asking the others to wait…to trust that their own hard won freedoms will somehow, eventually trickle down.

trickle down….hmmm. that sounds familiar