Pasupatidasi's Blog

thoughts, poetry, life as it is…


right now

a storm is brewing…miles away.
the skies overhead portend none of the possibilities of the coming reality.

sure, tropical storm debbie may not come my way. but the allegory which the meteorological situation has provided for how it feels when i ponder the future ziona and i face is brilliant.

right now, she is a 9 year old girl. innocent of the knowledge i possess of the various squalls on the horizon. like wrangling medicaid to cover the hormone therapy, setting up and keeping appointments thousands of miles away, battling against the frozen minds that would label her, judge her…

right now, her biggest worries center around being able to win her latest xbox game. she’s just a normal kid, like all the others on our block.

except she’s not.

right now, my biggest concerns have to do with making preparations for the future. setting aside money for the trip to thailand, the cheek cell vaginoplasty and gender realignment surgery that she insists happen as early as possible, getting records between the various care providers, working with the national center for lesbian rights to ensure that her rights are not violated.

right now, my job is to pay attention to her present needs, while looking ahead to her future. it is the same job being done by every other parent on the block.

except it’s not.

because saving up money to send a child to university is seen as commendable, by everyone. whereas saving up money to help my child afford surgery to change her body, is not. many people judge me more than they do her…because she is just a confused child, but i should know better.

only she’s not confused, and i DO know better.

i know about the prospects for children whose parents don’t stand by them, those kids with no support system. they run away, engage in self-destructive behaviours, find ways (sometimes dangerous ways) to pursue all of this on their own, they commit suicide.

right now, just like a lazy, sultry summer day in the south with blazing sunny skies, we go about our routines. she and i each doing what ‘normal’ people do.

except i do it knowing that there’s a storm brewing, somewhere just beyond today’s horizon. i do it with an eye to the future skies. and prepare.

debbie is dancing pirhouettes in the warm waters of the gulf.

like any wise gulf-coast inhabitant enjoying a summer cook-out under clear skies, my hurricane plans are already in place. for whenever it may come.